Spy Camera
by viviaga77
Summary: This is a humor story of Zidane and Kuja secretly taping what goes on in the lives of ff9 charcters. please review!
1. Chapter 1 Amarant

Spy Cam. -Amarant-  
  
--I just wanted to start a humor story for people to laugh at, so i hope this works!--  
  
In the corner of Amarant's bedroom Zidane quietly opened the escape hatch door on the floor next to Amarant's bed. Kuja and Zidane peeked up on the bed and saw Amarant sobbing. He was sitting scrunched up in the edge of the bed holding his knees and wetting himself with tears. In front of him was his TV. with a loud romance film playing. "Oh...this is precious." Kuja whispered into Zidane's ear. "What are you thinking?!" Amarant screamed at the top of his lungs pointing angrily at the man in the movie.  
  
"Hold me Zidane, I might start crying too." Kuja said hugging Zidane.  
  
"OUCH!" don't elbow me!" He yelled just after Zidane did so. "SSSSHHHHHHH..." Suddenly it grew silent and Amarant froze, and then cringed. "I can't believe you!!!!" He yelled even louder then the first time. "no.....don't do it.....don't leave her.....you two were perfect for each other! just because she lost your expensive bottle of hair gel you're going to leave?!?!?" Amarant yelled wiping his eyes. "NOOOO.....DON'T GO!!!NOOOOO!!!!!!!!...do NOT walk out of that door mister!" Amarant screamed tightening his fists. "What's he thinking! I would leave her if she lost my hair gel!" Kuja thought. A sudden crash caught their attention was Kuja took the camera away from Zidane and started filming himself. They turned and saw shattered pieces of glass on the floor. Amarant went to his shelf and grabbed another picture frame and chucked it across the room. With a piercing clash, it smashed into another window. I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT GUY...THROWING THAT OPPORTINITY AWAY, I MEAN SHE IS SO PRETTY! ahh...THOSE EYES!" Amarant yelled looking back at the TV. Amarant suddenly turned and headed to get Lani's ax under his bed. "This is getting very interesting." Zidane whispered. "I think that the fact he is crying is the best part yet!" Kuja said readjusting the camera. Then they turned towards Amarant again. He took the ax and thrust it backwards touching the bed, and then gave a huge heave and practicly hacked the whole TV. in half. "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" he screached as he ran across the room thrusting that ax into the chest of drawers. The crashing of the wood almost burst Zidane's ear drums. Next he picked up his broken TV. and smashed it into his new glass coffee table. "I'm going to meet that actor someday!" he yelled whipping his had across the shelf of fragile object causing them to fly across the room. He then continued to terrorize his room crying and yelling about the movie. Kuja was crying himself from laughing so hard. He then almost had a heat attack after he fell to the floor. Zidane rolled his eyes and grabbed the camera off the floor and kicked Kuja so hard that he screamed like a girl. Amarant stopped and listened. "Lets get out of here." Zidane hissed dragging Kuja across the floor and out the door." "Well that's all for now," Zidane started. "Please read more to see what is going on with Vivi and Eiko." 


	2. Chapter 2 Vivi and Eiko

-Spy Cam- Vivi/Eiko  
  
Hidden on the ceiling above Eiko's dining room, Zidane and Kuja crawl so they can view Vivi and Eiko outside on the deck where the food is cooked. "I hope this is an exiting one today." Zidane said setting up the video camera. "Shh...here they come." Kuja hissed as they saw Vivi, Eiko, and about 10 other moogles fallow them in the room. "Hmm...what to do, what to do." Eiko said putting her hand on her chin in her thinking mode. "Any ideas Vivi?" "Um...no." he replied. "We could play truth or dare!" Eiko bursted. "What do ya say?" She asked Vivi. "S...sure, whatever that is." He replied shyly. They all gathered in a circle on the floor and the moogles surrounded. "Ok Noggy, you go first." Eiko stated. "Kupo! I dare...Mogryo to....EAT THIS KUPO!" Noggy said pulling a dead pepper out of Eiko's bag. "go go go!" Kuja chanted in a whisper. half of the moogles opened their mouths in astonishment as Mogryo didn't hesitate, and plopped it right into his mouth with pride. Everyone stared as his face began to turn red, orange, then every color of the rainbow. VOOSH!!! he spun wildly into the air flying higher and higher. "Wow, that was a good one." Noggy chuckled evilly. "Oh my gosh! look out here he comes!" Eiko exclaimed pointing at Mogryo who was darting towards the ground. Noggy's Eyes almost popped out of his sockets when Mogryo piled right on top of him smashing them both through the wood boards of the deck and with a thump, they landed on a bolder below them on the river. Eiko rolled her eyes. "next!" "Okay, I dare Vivi" she started as Vivi suddenly became very nervous. "Too...take off your hat!!!" She said loudly. "Don't want to know what's under there!" Kuja joked. "You take it! I want to see this with my own eyes." Zidane told as he gave the camera to Kuja. "M...me? T...take off my hat? now way!!!" Vivi said grabbing hold of it, "But you have to Vivi, that's the rules!" Eiko whined. "B...but I just can't, I've never done it before." Vivi said pouting in anger. The remaining moogles went into a huddle and you could tell were plotting something when they nodded there heads. "pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?!" Eiko begged. "NO!" A moment of silence came over everyone as the moogles turned. One began counting... "one..." "what are you doing?" Eiko asked. "Two...." Vivi began to stand. "THREE...ATTACK!!!" One yelled as the moogles began to stampede towards Vivi like they were going to war. "AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Vivi screamed running around in circles as moogles began jumping on him tugging at his had and clothes. Eiko began started rolling on the floor and couldn't stop laughing as she saw Vivi trying so hard to get the little monsters off of him. He tried tugging at there little puffy red balls, but whenever he let that hand go, they began to pry off his hat. "EIKO HELP ME!!! HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITH THESE THINGS?!?!" Vivi screamed at her, still spinning in circles as the creatures kept biting. "Alright...here." She said pulling out another dead pepper and tossing it into the air. Vivi struggled to catch it into his mouth, but managed even with all of the moogles pulling his face. He chewed on it with a big sour face, and suddenly stopped. The moogles did as well. Vivi's face didn't change color, but you could tell something was happening when you noticed the smoke coming out from his clothes and hat. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!" he shirked as he spun his head violently in circles. SHING! the sound was as he burst into the air with moogles sliding down his body holding onto his feet. He looked like he was diving off of a thousand foot diving board doing flips and turns, knocking off a moggle every once in a while. Thump, thump! they came one by one as Vivi still shot up in the air. "Oh my gosh, get your umbrella...I don't know if we will survive this one." Kuja joked once again laughing between his teeth. A zooming noise sounded as Vivi did zoom downwards in the same area where Eiko lay laughing. She stopped and looked up with a wide open mouth and quickly stood up, but she was to slow. She was half way up when Vivi smashed head first straight onto her causing them to make a 10 times larger whole then the last on the floor, breaking through with a few screams and landed plop into the river. they both struggled to catch their breath in the cold water. They came to a shallow area when they both stood up, Eiko angry, and Vivi with his hat pulled all the way over his head, laughing quietly. "Hmph...All of that for one silly little hat huh?" She asked. "Yup." Vivi replied.  
  
"Well that was something wasn't it?" Zidane exclaimed to Kuja as they began packing up. "Yeah! I wonder what Vivi really hides under that hat, I mean, he barely has a face," Kuja stated.  
  
"Well thanks for listening to Spy cam. Next up...well, you will just have to wait until we figure this one out" 


	3. chapter 3stiener

-Spy cam- Stiener  
  
-Hehehe- Stiener's secret life-  
  
"Look there he is!" Zidane yells outside of stiener's bedroom window. "Hehehe, look at him." Kuja exclaims sitting on a rock. Inside of the window sat Steiner on the floor with his legs crossed....still wearing his armor. "What's in his hands?" Zidane asks. "What does it look like!" Kuja yells pointing at Stiener applying his expensive mascara with care. "I wonder what brand it is. Covergirl?" Kuja asks taping happily. Stiener continues putting on more mascara switching from eye to eye looking like a complete retard. He even began humming little children's songs. shortly after he dipped the brush into the bottle again, and pulled it back out. In a face of horror he screamed out loud at the fact that he mascara was gone. Quickly he stood up and left the room. "Ahh! where is he going, this was getting good!" Kuja exclaimed. Zidane grabbed Kuja and pulled him straight to Stiener pretty pink Barbie Volkswagen beetle. "What are you doing?!" Kuja asked pushing away from Zidane "Hurry up! get in the trunk, he's going to the store." Zidane yelled pulling out Stiener's spare keys he had stole the other day. The trunk popped open and Kuja wanting to get revenge shoved Zidane inside the tiny compartment and then hopped in himself. They then closed it and Zidane lit his lighter. "Smells like crap!" Kuja whispered pinching his nose. The garage door opened and Stiener walked to the car with a purse in his hand "Shhh." He then opened the door hopped in, and started the car. "Too bad we can't tape this part." Kuja joked as they could hear Stiener listening and singing along with the "We Sing" tapes. The car jerked and they headed up the street. "How long are we going to sit in here with barley any light? Kuja whined. "Shut up, it won't take long." Zidane replied trying to crouch in a comfy position. A sudden jerk caught there attention as the car swerved to the right knocking Zidane and Kuja over again. "I always thought it would be hard to drive in a tiny car wearing metal over every part of your body." Kuja explains trying to sit. Then went straight uphill and turned into the parking lot of the huge store. The music turned off and the car door opened......then shut. "Can we get out of here?" Kuja whined again. "KUJA! Chill out, how could someone ever raise you as a child!?" Zidane said opening the trunk with the electric keys. "Ah! air!" Zidane said standing up. "Come on, get the camera, lets go." Quickly they sneaked into the store, and spotted Stiener. Everyone stopped and stared at the sight of some man casually walking inside a drug store, looking like he's ready to go to war (except the purse he was carrying). "How are we going to tape him with all these people staring?" Zidane asked "Hey, just put it in the baby seat on the cart." Kuja suggested. So Zidane put it there, then saw that Stiener was headed for the cosmetics. They followed, until he turned into one aisle trying to not let anyone see him looking through the store's mascara. So then Stiener picked up three different new ones, and then again, could not figure out which one to buy. One of them was dark black, the others dark brown, and they each had different features. "Which one, which one?" Kuja giggled as he peaked over holding the camera. Kuja was pulled back by Zidane. Stiener was gone again. Kuja reached over to put the camera in the cart without looking, and he missed, and it clattered to the floor. "Dude, what the heck are you thinking? That thing cost me like a gazillion gil!" Zidane bellowed as he picked up all the broken parts. "Oops, I guess we won't be able to get this on tape." Kuja said innocently. "Yeah, cuz of you." Zidane whispered "Look! there he is!" "Where?" Zidane pointed and said, "At the makeup consultants!" They set off towards Stiener far away from them. "... Uh, ma'am? Could I ask you something?" Stiener asked nervously as a lady with way to much makeup on approached. "Yes?" "Well, um... you see, I found these three mascara's, and I W....wanted to buy one...uh...for my w...wife, but I don't know which one to get." Stiener lied. "Well, let me see..." The lady said taking the mascaras "You see, this dark brown one, will give her a thin layer, but radiant." She explained. And the other brown one will do basicly the same, but it is actually a lighter color and helps curl your eye lashes. This last one is dark black, and it gives you a rich thick layer with no clumps, and it curls. Which one are you looking for?" She asked. Stiener looked around at each one. "Which one is the sexiest?" He asked standing on his Tipp toes. "Oh, that would defiantly be the new covergirl, the dark black one." She said giving it to stiener. He thanked her, then spotted Zidane's tail in the corner of his eye. He kept walking looking behind every shelf in site. "Quick! over here Kuja!" Zidane hissed pulling him in the socks and nylons aisle. They crouched down as Stiener walked passed them, still looking. Stiener then gave up, and went in line to buy his only item. Mascara. Then he looked over and saw a bottle of strawberry scented lotion. He quickly grabbed it off the shelf and bought it along with the mascara. "We better get back into the trunk before he spots us." Zidane exclaimed. So he and Kuja sprinted out the door and ran to the Barbie beetle. Kuja opened the trunk then they crammed themselves inside. Kuja rolled up into a ball and began laughing with no end. Zidane rolled his eyes then tried to lay down. Soon Stiener approached, humming his little melody. He plooped into the car, turned back on the music, then traveled home. When he got back, he pulled in, got out, then ran inside jumping for joy, exited to try on his new mascara. Zidane and Kuja went up to his bedroom window again, looked inside, as Stiener walked in. He kneeled down on a little purple rug, pulled the mascara out of his purse, then put one single stroke up mascara on his eye lash. "YES!!!!" He bellowed as loud as he could. He then kept applying over and over again, making it look like it was covering his who eye with black. Zidane then started pounding his fist on the window as he was laughing, not relizing what he was really doing. "STOP IT!!!" Kuja screamed as he dragged Zidane into the backyard. Stiener then stood up and looked around, knowing someone had been watching him. He then shut the blinds, and went on applying. "That was close, well..." Kuja started, but then burst into laughter "P...please read our next chapter of spy cam, to go behind the scenes with another one of our classic characters." Zidane finished for him, then bursting into laughter again. 


	4. Chapter 4 Beatrix and Garnet

Spy Cam- chapter 4 Beatrix and Garnet  
  
Disclaimer- Well, sorry about the huge blocks or words, When I type out the story, I do it in paragraphs. I hope it works this time. hmmm... Well, I was just getting ready for bed when I thought of what to write for Beatrix and Garnet, and then it came to me, so get reading!  
  
Well, it was a nice spring day in Alexandria, and all you could see were the adults shopping, the children playing, and everything was just perfect, and of course, Beatrix and Garnet were up to something.  
  
"How are we going to get all the way up to Garnet's room without being caught??!!" Kuja whined as he and Zidane ventured up to the castle.  
  
"Bingo!" "What?" Kuja asked. "Kuja, look up there! It's perfect." Zidane said happily, pointing to the bedroom window way up high. "You idiot, we can't get up there, unless you brought Choco in your little girly purse." Kuja said.  
  
Zidane punched Kuja in the stomach, and then pulled him over to a ladder. Just above where the ladder ended, there was one of those huge platforms, where the workers wash the windows. "Oh, no I see what your saying."  
  
Zidane cupped his hands around the outside of his mouth and yelled: "HEY MISTER, WE GOT AN EMERGENCY DOWN HERE!" The worker looked down puzzled. "THE OLD WOMAN ACROSS THE STREET JUST GOT BLACKBERRY PIE ALL OVER THE CASTLE DOOR!" The worker was shocked....He stared at Zidane for a moment, the screamed:"MUST CLEAN.....MUST CLEAN!!!" He screamed, the kept on panting. He then flung around knocking the bucket of dirty water off the platform. Stupidly, Zidane just stood there, and the bucket pored water and soaked him from head to toe. Kuja just stood there and laughed. "Stay like that Zidane, you look good wet." He said.  
  
The worker was going insane, He slid right down the ladder, with rag in hand, and sprinted to the castle door screaming. "MUST CLEAN............THIS IS MY ONLY PURPOSE IN LIFE!!!!....."  
  
Zidane, still mad at Kuja, began to climb the ladder with the camera in his bag. Once they both got to the platform, they had a perfect view of Beatrix and Garnet. Zidane got out the camera and started taping. Kuja opened the window as quiet as he could, so they could hear.  
  
Garnet and Beatrix were sitting on the bed talking.  
  
"....Okay....." Kuja said confused.  
  
"So what should we do today?" Beatrix asked. "Well, for some reason, I'm feelin like a rebel." "Uh....what's that?" Beatrix asked "I dunno, it just sounds cool." Garnet replied. "So, what are we gunna do then?" Garnet went around the room, fumbling through draws, and brought out knives and spray paint. She held them up. "What's that for..." Beatrix asked. "Come on, lets go Beatrix." Garnet said tossing a bottle of black spray paint, and a screw driver to Beatrix. Then they ran downstairs.  
  
"Crap, we did all that for nothing, we better get down, I think they r coming outside." Zidane said. So they crawled off the ladder, as Garnet and Beatrix exited the castle, wearing ski masks over their faces, but wearing their everyday clothes. "Wow, they really are stupid." Kuja said. "I can't believe Garnet is really being this way." Zidane said, whimpering.  
  
As Garnet and Beatrix walked behind the castle into a privet parking lot, Zidane and Kuja fallowed.  
  
"Hmmm.... which car?" Beatrix asked. "That one!" Garnet yelled, pointing to a car. It was a fire engine red, sleek, brand new convertible, that had a huge spoiler.  
  
They stared blankly, then ran to it. Kuja and Zidane stayed behind a huge bush, and filmed them. Garnet took out her blue sprat paint and wrote "GARNET WAZ HERE" not knowing how stupid that was to completely give away who vandalized the car. Beatrix took the knives and screw driver and etched in "Alexandria sucks!" "You know Beatrix, your hand writing might give it away." Garnet told her. "O well."  
  
"Wow, they are really good at this." Kuja said sarcastically. "Ya, I know, like the nice handwriting, and telling 'garnet was here', it's genius!" Zidane laughed.  
  
They continued to put dents in the car, scratch the glass on the windshield, and Garnet even began ripping the leather seats into shreds with her knives. They stole the money that was in the glove compartment, and put black spray paint all over everything. "This is so fun!" Beatrix exclaimed. "Do you think we will get caught?" "Not a chance, we are so sneaky." Beatrix told Garnet as she shattered the head lights.  
  
So the vandalizing went on and on....  
  
Zidane wanted them to get startled, so he yelled "HEY" in a deep low voice. Beatrix and Garnet froze. "Lets get out of here!" They yelled as they left the knives and spray paint in the car. They then ran inside the castle, washed the spray paint off them, and took of the masks and wigs. Zidane waited.  
  
On the other side of the castle, Stiener in his pink Barbie beetle pulled up, and parked. He then walked inside the castle.  
  
"What's he doing?" Kuja and Zidane asked themselves.  
  
Within 5 minutes, Beatrix and Stiener, holding hands, walked into the parking lot. Stiener looking into her eyes said, "Beatrix, I got you something, for it is your birthday." He then pointed his arm to the completely destroyed car that he had bought Beatrix. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT IN THE NAME OF GAIA HAPPENED TO THE CAR?!?!?" Stiener screamed.  
  
"Oh crap." Beatrix mumbled. Stiener's face turned purple, then red, as his fists clenched. He walked over to the car and examined it. He slid his hands across the dents, scratched, and shattered glass. He then saw where it said "Garnet was here"  
  
"What's this?" He said "..." Beatrix said nothing. Then he saw where it said "Alexandria sucks" in her distinct hand writing. "...Beatrix??!?!?!?!? WHAT DID YOU DO??????" "..." Beatrix said nothing as she looked at the ground.  
  
Stiener whacked his fist on the car and thought. "Beatrix, I just wasted hundreds of thousands of gil...for you, and now you ruin it all." Stiener said. "How could you do this?" "..." Beatrix said nothing "SPEAK!" stiener yelled. "S....sorry, we didn't know." "well...?" "I said sorry! How can I make it up to you?" Beatrix then suddenly jumped into Stieners arms and planted a big kiss on the lips. "Well, that works." Stiener said.  
  
Kuja and Zidane passed out that day, it took hours before they were found unconscious. Lucky, the camera was in Zidane's bag, and once they were okay, they decided not to give up. They moved on to the next person. 


End file.
